Agony Aunt Mum Life Toys

Dear Aunt Gigi: Kids Party Etiquette​.

"In my day, a fingerling was not a toy monkey. It was a VERY different thing."


Dear Aunt Gigi,

My 3-year-old has been invited to a birthday party by one of her nursery classmates. Whilst I am delighted she is being included, I am unsure of the etiquette and so wanted some advice.

  • If I RSVP yes, does that mean I need to invite that particular child to my daughter’s birthday party?
  • What is the appropriate amount to spend on a gift – as I know nothing about this particular child?

Thanks in advance,

A Mum, 37, Surrey.


Dear A Mum,

Firstly, kids parties are a pissing NIGHTMARE. If I were you I would make your excuses and not get involved. Honestly, rubbing a cheese grater on your knees is a less painful way to spend an afternoon.

But if you HAVE to go, then yes, you will have to invite nursery kid to your kid’s birthday party, or nursery kid’s Mum’s bitch list will read:

1. You
2. Her little one being forced to do phonics when they should be exploring nature in a kaftan
3. The council’s latest plans to build on green belt protected land

Nothing scorns a Mum more than her cherub being discluded from a party.

So when you RSVP, write nursery kids name down in your big book of ‘necessary Mum stuff that makes your nose bleed’ and remember to invite them to your kid’s afternoon of soft play pain. It’s all quid pro quo in this game.

Choosing a birthday present is tricky, as often it’s tempting to chuck money at the problem and just get them something that’s ‘trending,’ like a fingerling. A toy surely invented as a dare by some bored execs for the lolz name alone. In my day, a fingerling was not a toy monkey. It was a VERY different thing.

However, should you shell out £15+ then you set a precedent for all the other kids’ parties you attend from that class. That’s an expensive pain in the arse road to head down.

So it’s up to you which way you want to play it. If you like the Mum in question and there is potential for future free babysitting/ school drop-offs, then go for mid range play doh, colouring books/ pens or an Orchard Toys board game.

However, if the Mum looks like she is going to judge you for not washing your hair as often as one should, or forgetting your kid’s book bag again, then get her something that’s really going to get on her nerves. I’m thinking a Bunchems Mega Pack (those bastards get everywhere), something with a shitload of glitter or a second hand Pie Face Showdown with a tub of Marmite.

Good luck. You’re gonna need it.

Aunt Gigi.




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