Today I was summoned to a meeting by my 4-year-old in the playroom, and as a professional (ahem) Stay at Home Mum, I have taken minutes of said meeting. This is largely because I used to be a Personal Assistant and old habits die hard, but also so I can help him understand that school is here to stay, whether he likes it or not.
Gaa Gaa Land HQ
Thursday 9th November – 3.30pm – 4.00pm
Present: Sonny (Chair), Bessie (doodles), Mummy (minutes), Batman, Billy Bear, Monkey from Monkey Music and Tigger (STU – Stuffed Toy Union reps).
Apologies: Daddy (at work/favourite so wouldn’t have this sort of shit directed at him).
Sonny opened the meeting by welcoming the STU reps and asking Mummy where his after-school snack was.
BREAK – to locate snack, dispute yumminess of snack, negotiate on another snack and settle on a snack compromise until dinner time.
Item 1 – School Attendance
Sonny resumed the meeting by insisting upon an answer to the question repeatedly asked for the past 6 weeks, “Why do I HAVE to go to school?”
Heading once again down this well-travelled road, Mummy appeared to stumble before offering the following answers:
1 – Because learning is fun
2 – Because you enjoy it
3 – Because you have friends there
4 – Because you have to
5 – Because Mummy and Daddy would be in trouble with the police if you don’t
Bessie interjected to ask why the police need to make sure Sonny goes to school, and ask if Mummy and Daddy would have to go to jail if he stayed home.
Let it be noted for the record that should this occur Bessie insists that Sonny looks after her and she has chocolate for dinner every night.
Sonny disputed points 1- 3 which led him to his next gripe.
Item 2 – Friends
Sonny presented meeting attendees with an A1 mood board of how relationships in the school environment have been conducted thus far this week.
Sonny explained that the playground is an often tricky place, where friendships are made and broken over the class you’re in, the prominence of your tie and your allegiance to Spiderman over Superman.
As a proud member of Bumblebees, Sonny recounted an earlier incident where the Ladybirds called him and his classmates “Poopy-heads” and then ‘tagged’ him before he hid in a cone in the sandpit. Meeting attendees (notably Mummy) questioned how this made Sonny feel, to which he simply replied ‘Spiderman Forever!’
Sonny also expressed some concern over Sarah saying she wasn’t his best friend anymore, and asked how he could make her ‘make her like him again’. Mummy explained that it’s better to have lots of friends and suggested he play with James, or George, or Anna – or any of the other 85 children in his year.
Sonny laughed and ran around the room with his shirt pulled over his head.
ACTION – Mummy to research how to deal with this situation without crying and panicking that her baby boy is being rejected.
Item 3 – Uniform
After insisting that a school jumper does not make suitable head attire, Mummy steered the meeting discussion onto another bone of contention over the past two months: school uniform.
Mummy described how every morning, without fail, Sonny fails to acknowledge the necessity of uniform over Star Wars pyjamas. Despite being prompted with verbal encouragement (“uniform on please”), visual cues (wild waving of arms and gesturing towards wardrobe) and physical assistance (“head in here please”) Sonny is yet to grasp the importance of correct school attire.
Sonny doesn’t understand why he can’t remain in bedtime clothes or replace them with SuperThor, IronHulk or BatFlash – all combinations proudly conceived during attempted school uniform application time.
ACTION – Sonny to practice removing Star Wars PJ’s and replacing with school togs in a realistic timeframe of 15 minutes, not the current 45 minutes.
Item 4 – Conclusion and next steps
Mummy explained that although sometimes Sonny might not want to go to school, it isn’t negotiable. Neither is uniform replacement with an alternative superhero combo.
Sonny responded with a loud raspberry sound and then exited the room with an impressive teenager strop, heading towards the sanctuary of his bedroom.
Item 5 – AOB
Bessie asked if she could have chocolate for tea.
Mummy closed the meeting by sighing, retreating to the kitchen and opening a jar of Nutella.